I no longer want to die; I want to live from now on.

Though death is an unavoidable and natural part of life, the loss of a loved one often makes life even harder for those left behind. For individuals who depend on others for survival, the death of that person can be devastating. This is the story of Indira Bhandari from Chaumala, Kailali.

At the age of 16, Indira completed her S.L.C. from Malika Secondary School in 2057 . As she had reached the marriageable age, her parents began talking about finding a husband for her. Despite her desire to continue her education, marriage became the priority due to her parents’ concern about the burden on them until she was married. Indira, wanting to ease their worries, agreed to marry. Two years later, in 2059, she married Pushpa Lal Adhikari from Fulwari, Kailali. As a bride, Indira entered her new home with hopes of a happy family life. Soon after, she and Pushpa Lal had a daughter, and they envisioned a bright future for their family. However, their dreams were shattered when, in 2061, Pushpa Lal tragically died in a bus accident. At that time, their daughter was only 10 months old. Indira, at just 20 years old, became a widow. The loss of her husband at such a young age was heartbreaking, and it was even more difficult to bear the challenges of widowhood.

For some time after her husband's death, Indira received comfort from family and neighbors, but this support quickly faded. As society imposed its own values and norms, she was increasingly isolated and pushed into despair. Even her own family members began to question her, raising doubts such as, “Can she live alone at her age? How will she survive without a son? Can she stay in her late husband's house?”

Recalling this painful time, Indira reflects, “Before and after marriage, I had a beautiful dream, but that event shattered everything. I couldn’t think of a future. I had little education and no idea how to survive with my daughter. I often cried until I lost consciousness.” Instead of receiving support, she felt surrounded by suspicion and neglect in her community. At one point, she even considered death as a way out and attempted suicide by going into the jungle. However, thoughts of her daughter’s face brought her back home. Occasionally, her family would find out and bring her back after learning what she had done.

Indira's Transformation Through the Women’s Advocacy Forum

After enduring widowhood at a young age, Indira spent her days moving between her parents' home and her maternal home. One day, she met members of the Women’s Advocacy Forum, Goma Joshi, Sharda Ghimire, and Sapna Bhandari. The Forum, supported by CARE Nepal and FAYA Nepal, worked on addressing women’s issues in Kailali. At that time, the Forum was conducting advocacy classes in villages, including Chaumala. Indira began attending these classes, which focused on gender-based discrimination. In 2062, she participated in a red dress campaign for single women. The Forum members, seeing her struggles, consulted with FAYA Nepal to see if they could help her. Through a partnership between CARE Nepal and FAYA Nepal, Indira was given the opportunity to study ANM (Auxiliary Nurse Midwife) with full financial support. Despite the difficulties, she says, “Goma and Sharda ma’am gave me this opportunity, but it wasn’t easy. On one hand, I had a young daughter, and on the other, I had to leave home and live in Dhangadhi for my studies. People doubted me, and when I heard their remarks, I wanted to quit. But with the encouragement of my teachers and Forum members, I kept going and completed my ANM in 2062 and 2063.”

Indira’s Renewed Outlook on Life

Having faced numerous challenges, Indira passed the ANM exam and began to feel more confident about her future. Around this time, the Manasi Project (a program for improving the health of newborns and pregnant mothers) was launched in partnership between CARE Nepal and FAYA Nepal. In 2064, Indira became a health facilitator for FAYA Nepal and started visiting villages. By now, her outlook on life had drastically changed. Comparing her past and present, she says, “No one wants pain, but it comes regardless. Suffering is one thing, but facing it with courage and strength is another. When I became a worker in the community, I saw the real lives of women. Meeting those who had suffered even more than me changed my perspective on life. FAYA Nepal and the Women’s Advocacy Forum gave me the strength to continue. I consider FAYA Nepal my second home. If I had committed suicide, it would have been a huge mistake. Now, I don’t want to die; I want to live and do more. I want to continue my education and fight against all forms of discrimination in society.”

Supporters' Joy at Indira’s Transformation

Those who helped Indira are now thrilled by her transformation. Goma Joshi, one of her supporters, says, “It’s heartwarming to see how much Indira has changed. She used to be hopeless and sad, but now there’s so much positive change. She no longer seems like a single woman. She walks with confidence, and she has become an incredible activist for the Women’s Advocacy Forum. If we can help people understand the truth about life, change is possible.”

Today, Indira is no longer known as a widow but as a respected social activist. When the women in her village invite her to attend the mothers' group meeting, she feels proud. Indira is now on a path of change, leaving behind her painful past and embracing a brighter future.